New Democratic talking points

Bill Maher has a new set of talking points for the Democrats. I think they are fairly good. See the abridged versions below:

1) When they say, “Democrats will raise taxes,” you say, “We have to, because some asshole spent all the money in the world cutting Paris Hilton’s taxes and not killing Osama bin Laden.” In just six years the national debt has doubled. You can’t keep spending money you don’t take in, that’s not even elementary economics…”

2) When they say, “The terrorists want the Democrats to win,” you say, “Are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist’s wet dream, and nonpartisan commissions have confirmed that he’s a recruiter’s dream: theirs, not ours. And, he has exhausted our military without coming away with a win, the worst of both worlds.” Bush inflames radical hatred against America and then runs on offering to protect us from it. It’s like a guy throwing shit on you and then selling you relief from the flies.

3) When they say, “Cut and Run” or “Defeatocrat,” you say, “Bush lost the war — period.” All this nonsense about “the violence is getting worse because they’re trying to influence our election.” No, it’s getting worse because you drew up the postwar plans on the back of a cocktail napkin at Applebee’s.

4) When they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are “denigrating” the troops, you say, “You’re completely full of shit.”

Read more at Salon.

Movies, books, dirty jokes, & fruit portraits

* If you ever corner me in a bar or such place have me tell you the story about Bob Sagat that Paul Provenza told the entire theater at SXSW 2005 after the preview screening.

I’ll take Anal Bum Cover for $1000

Much of today has been spent most non-productively downloading and viewing many a Celebrity Jeopardy skit from Saturday Night Live. I still cannot find the latest one with Sean Connery, Robin Willams (Jimmy Fallon), Cathrine Zeta-Jones (Lucy Lui), but any of these are liable to bring tears to my eyes if I try to make it through the whole skit.

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On a sad note for me, I had my first bit of, what I can only describe as “hate mail” via my site in over 5 years of running a website. It was regarding some of my views on the job our president is doing. Politics seem to divide people and affect people much more profoundly than many other issues and characteristics seem to do. Why is that? Why do people care so much about the minor differences between America’s Democratic and Republican parties? They really are minor yet people can get so worked up about things. Politics, religion, and race in America tend to cause the most conflicts yet really matter very little when it comes to two people getting together and talking about issues facing the world today.

I love the way Greg Knauss writes…

It makes me feel like the things I think in my head aren’t all that crazy and that maybe I should say some of them out loud

One thing he wrote got me to thinking about something I have actually had discussions about: the absurdity of male genitalia. What if it could be detachable (as in the song)? Wouldn’t that seem like a better solution? No need for the jock strap or accompanying “nut cup”, no embarrassing moments in high school speech classes (not a confession). There could be a whole new market for penis carrying cases, and performance accessories (well they may already have these).

I guess the downside would be the penis misplacing or the penis robbery that could occur.

The Onion is funny

This very true commentary is from The Onion… The Onion is funny.

AOL Acquires Time-Warner In Largest-Ever Expenditure Of Pretend Internet Money
DULLES, VA–In the largest merger of imaginary assets in corporate history, Internet giant America Online last week acquired media megacorp Time-Warner for an unprecedented $161 billion in pretend money. “This merger will revolutionize the way invisible amounts of non-existent cash are transferred,” said Steve Case of AOL, a company whose actual revenues are a tiny fraction of its make-believe valuation. In an effort to keep pace with AOL, website is expected to acquire General Motors sometime later this week.

Also, if you are using Netscape, stop. Its for your own good. Sites load faster and look better in Internet Explorer.